My Relationship With Spirituality
When you think Kardashian, *devout* probably isn’t the first thing that crosses your mind. Believe it or not, I come from a very religious family.
My father was Christian Armenian, and I’ve always gone to Presbyterian or Catholic schools. Growing up, I remember going to one Catholic school where we went to Mass and would take Communion. Of course, you weren’t supposed to take it unless you were Catholic, but I was in second grade and I did it anyway. At the time, I didn’t understand the difference between Catholics and Christians — I didn’t understand why I was being told I couldn’t take Communion. I just started crying. My dad explained it to me by telling me I was dedicated to the Lord and that was all that mattered.
We went to church every Sunday, religiously. When we started getting older, my dad stopped going to church, but he still read the Bible every single day. Sundays then became about his bringing church and religion into our home. He would play gospel music — it had so much soul, and he loved that.
I’ve always been a very spiritual person. I believe with every fiber of my being that there is a higher power. I love theology and I enjoy learning about other people’s religions. I’ve read about Buddhism and the Quran, and I’ve gone to Seder dinners with Jewish friends.One of my exes was Muslim and observed Ramadan, which is a month of fasting. You fast from sunrise to sunset to commemorate the first time the Quran was revealed to Muhammad, and I practiced it with him to be supportive. I don’t believe you need to be a certain religion to embrace someone else’s religion. It’s a matter of respecting someone. I’m a Christian but I don’t think a church necessarily makes you religious.
Believing in a higher power is what guides me to make the right decisions. While I believe in heaven and hell and angels and spirits, I don’t judge people for their beliefs. And I don’t understand how others can sit around casting judgments on people because they have different religions and a certain point of view.
One of the most profound experiences of my life was when my dad passed away when I was 19. When he was dying, he wasn’t himself. He was talking like a baby; it wasn’t him. At one point he was calling me Kim, and I remember how frustrated and mad I was. I couldn’t come to terms with it. But later, I understood that he wasn’t fully there.
After he passed, I was bitter and angry — I was VERY angry at God. I didn’t understand why someone who was so great, my dad — why he would be taken away. My dad was such a believer, so I couldn’t come to terms with how someone with such a deep relationship with God could be gone. I was young and I needed someone to blame for what had happened. But then I started to process the end of my father’s life, and it changed something inside me.
> I believe with every fiber of my being that there is a higher power.
I started to read a ton of near-death-experience books. I read * (1)* and (2), and they both helped me understand death better. They changed my views and helped me to not be so angry about my dad.
* (1)* explains that your spirit leaves your body before you die, which made sense to me when I thought about my dad’s behavior in the last hours of his life. The priest at his bedside even said to us, “He has a few hours, but he’s already gone. Be at peace with that.” That thought actually made me happy, because I didn’t want my dad to be in pain. Some of the near-death-experience books I read also talk about how our spirits essentially “sign up” for different challenges in life, so that our souls can grow and serve a higher purpose. Now I believe that every person serves a purpose and that they have chosen their path.
My relationship with spirituality has changed over the years, but I’ve never stopped believing. I enjoy going to church, I just haven’t found a church that I’m passionate about, where I fit in. But I have daily devotionals. Every Christmas my mom buys them for me — they tell me a prayer and give me a scripture. The devotions are just one page each, with a quote from the Bible, a breakdown of its meaning, and a daily prayer. Sometimes it’s hard for me to absorb all the information at once, so I like that the daily devotions are small enough that I can really retain the message. I read these affirmations to my glam squad every day. They think I’m nuts, but I love it, and that works for me.
I’m very conversational with God and spirits. I talk to myself and to them but sometimes unconventionally. I’ll be lying in bed and just say out loud, “Lord, thank you so much for keeping my brother and sisters healthy!” Every night I say my prayers, often with my nieces and nephews. I talk a lot to my dad if I’m feeling something where I wish he were here to guide me. I just don’t believe praying has to be so structured. Sometimes I’ll just ramble. And I pray more when I’m thankful than in times of need. It’s a time of self-reflection. I like to give praise and gratitude. I know how fortunate I am.
I’ve been blessed with a lot in my life, and I’ve also had challenges. It was a challenge for me when I decided to get divorced. At my core, I don’t believe in divorce, but I came to a point in my marriage where I had to make the choice to take care of my own mental and emotional well-being in order to protect myself and my happiness. I am at peace with that decision and do feel like I honored my vows to the very end. I feel that I kept the serious vows I made in front of God with every inch of my heart, which is why I am still honoring them today even though my relationship with my ex-husband is in a different place. I believe in caring for my partner — past or present — “in sickness and in health,” and feel at peace with my relationship with God even after the fact. I’m thankful that I can rely on my God, who, along with my family, has led me through some of the most difficult times of my life.
*Khloé Kardashian is a jack of many trades living in Los Angeles and a lover of all things glam.*