If You Can Do It, You Don’t Have to Say It.
If you tweet about going to hot yoga every day but no one is around to read it, will you still sweat?
Social media has gotten us into the habit of saying things instead of simply doing things. It’s even led us to believe that saying something is the SAME as doing something. Of course, it’s easy to convince people that what you say online is actually what you do offline. How would they know any better? You’re behind a screen. Maybe you’re actually at hot yoga, or maybe you’re just in your apartment with the AC turned off and your legs mildly stretched out. But a Bawse knows that if you can do something, there’s no need to say it.
Once upon a time, ever so long ago, I went on a date with a very handsome guy. I’m using “handsome” as a descriptor not because I’m superficial (although let’s be real, it’s a nice touch) but because I didn’t know too much about him prior to this date. We met at a party and talked for a bit, but we were also drinking dranks (translation for old people: alcoholic beverages) and so we didn’t really learn any deep information about each other. We just had the kind of stupid conversation you have while sipping a drink. Or two. Or seven. Whatever. No one was driving. (#BlessUpUberX)
I was excited to learn all about my handsome date and, admittedly, a little nervous. We ordered some drinks and sat across from each other, and I put all my energy into not blushing at the sight of his magnificent face. I asked him about his day and then he asked me about mine—you know, typical conversation. And then I asked him about work and he told me all about his career. And his goals. And his gym routine. And the most recent contract he’d signed. And what he was working on next. I sat in silence, listening to him. He told me stories all about how funny he was and how he makes everyone laugh at work. Then, without me asking, he told me all about how he was a really nice guy. In fact, he ended the story with, “And that’s just the type of person I am.” I knew I wasn’t having THE BEST time, but I couldn’t pinpoint why. I realized he wasn’t asking me very many questions, but I chalked that up to nerves. You know, trying to give people the benefit of the doubt. But even when he did ask me a question here or there, I still was having a 7/10 time on a date that I was expecting to be a 20/10 (okay, fine, that was superficial of me).
When I got home, my friend asked me how it went. I said, “Honestly, I don’t know.” I had to sit down, take time out of my day, bust out a calculator, open an encyclopedia, and start an intensive research process to determine what it was I hadn’t liked about the date. Then I figured it out. He’d kept TELLING me about the type of person he was, but he’d done nothing to SHOW me.
If you’re funny, you shouldn’t have to notify people that you’re funny. And not to be a jerk, but I didn’t laugh once on that date. Yet he told me two different stories about how funny his friends thought he was. If you’re nice, you don’t have to tell people you’re nice; they’ll be able to see that.
If you’re going to talk the talk, then you have to walk the walk. In fact, if you can walk the walk, I really see no need for you to do any talking unless you’re specifically asked about the walk you are providing. LESS TALKING. MORE WALKING.
People often say “words lie and actions speak the truth.” I used to think that was a great saying, but then I heard a motivational speaker by the name of Trent Shelton say something even better. He said, “Words lie; actions can lie too. Consistency speaks the truth.” My jaw dropped at the accuracy of these words. Talking about something doesn’t make it true. And action is only meaningful if it’s consistent. A Bawse knows that if you want to be taken seriously, you need to show people who you are, and then _keep_ showing them.
Don’t tell your boss you work hard; let your work prove it. Don’t just tell your girlfriend you’re loyal; _be_ loyal. Don’t tell your opponent you’re going to knock them out; just knock them out.
Talk is cheap, so leave it at the thrift store.
**_From the book HOW TO BE A BAWSE by Lilly Singh. Copyright © 2017 by Lilly Singh. Reprinted by arrangement with Ballantine Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved._**